this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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