Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize