I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize