You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize