This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize