census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize