peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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