I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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