Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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