my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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