is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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