my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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