i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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