Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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