I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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