I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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