I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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