Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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