I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize