You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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