But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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