I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize