I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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