I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize