He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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