Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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