We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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