I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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