someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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