i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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