That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
