i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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