you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize