My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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