you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize