dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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