Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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