i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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