My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize