I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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