I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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