Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize