you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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