I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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