You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
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giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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