i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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