I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize