If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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