One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sober January is a disaster.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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