he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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